How do we get life balance? Should we work harder and make more money? Should we move somewhere easier or safer? Should we chase after a romantic partner? Deep inside, many of us wonder whether these things feel truly safe and meaningful because we know they are ephemeral–they don’t always last.
Indeed, chasing things we know we can’t hold onto is part of what makes us feel unbalanced in the first place.
Here is what actually gives us a sense of balance under any circumstances: Knowing we live a life based on our values. But how, when our lives are crazy busy, are we supposed to touch base with what is important to us? Here are four methods I use, exemplified by the main character in The Fiddler On The Roof.
Here are the opening words of that Broadway classic and movie.
“A fiddler on the roof.
“Sounds crazy, no?
“But you might say that every one of us is a fiddler on the roof. Trying to scratch out a pleasant, simple tune without breaking his neck.”
The words are spoken by Tevye, the Jewish peasant and father of five daughters. The story follows Tevye as he tries to find a way to keep his balance in the tumultuous, changing times of Czarist Russia.
His story resonates because he is like many of us, whether we are Jewish or not, poor or not. In these times, it feels like we are perched on a steep roof trying to scratch out a simple tune without falling off and breaking our necks.
How do we stay balanced?
Conventional wisdom says we should we work harder and make more money. Or maybe we should move somewhere easier or safer. Or we should find the right romantic partner. Deep inside, none of these things feel truly safe and meaningful because we know they are ephemeral–they are not lasting. And as long as we chase exclusively after things that don’t last, we feel unbalanced.
On the other hand, here is what gives us a sense of balance under any circumstances: Knowing we live a life based on our values. A life based on giving what we can to those we love and to our local and planetary communities.
In Tevye’s case though, he must milk the cow and sell the milk and cheese to support his family. In his fondest dreams he would spend his days studying the Torah–understanding better his values. That again, is like us. So many of us are forced to do things to scratch out a living when really we want to be playing our tune and doing what is most important to us.
So what Tevye does, he tells us, are little things that at least help him keep constantly in touch with his values. He always keeps his head covered and always wears a little prayer shawl to remind himself of his constant devotion to God or–in secular language–to what is really important in life. Although he may not be able to spend all his time doing what feels most important to him, he gets solace from at least regularly reminding himself of what is important to him through keeping his head covered and wearing his prayer shawl.
From my own life and from the lives of the many lifequesters I have studied, I have learned that having little symbols to remind ourselves of our values can be gigantically helpful when it comes to feeling that your life is balanced. The question is: How can you gain a little balance by touching base with what is important to you during a crazy busy day? What kind of traditions can you develop in your own life that remind you of your values when you don’t have time to take a breath?
Here are four things taken from my own life, based on what is important to me. I offer these examples not because I think you should necessarily follow the same rules in your daily life, but as a way to help you develop your own “values touchstones” to help keep you in mind of who you really are as you go through the bustle:
Carry a symbolic object: Choose something that you might regularly use or touch and that other people might remark upon. In my case, I carry a glass spaghetti sauce jar. I use it as my water bottle or as my coffee cup so that I don’t have to use throw-away containers. Not wasting is important to me as both an environmental and a spiritual practice. Carrying the jar helps me to remember that and also causes conversations with people around me. I use it even in business settings. What could you carry that would keep you in mind of what you care about as you go through your day?
Draw a line you will not cross: With the exception of when I travel in the developing world, I do not drink bottled water and do not allow it in my house. Personally, I think the idea of having to paying for water is as close to immoral as having to pay for air. I believe society has an ethical obligation to keep public water clean and freely available. Free, safe water feels to me like the most fundamental of all social justice issues. So I drink tap water. Again, this is my way of staying in touch with my values. I am not saying it is right for you. But what is a line you might draw and never cross as a way of reminding yourself of your values?
Choose a dietary reminder: I am a vegetarian because I dislike the cruelty of our agricultural system. Also, I believe in non-violence as a way to make the world I want for all of us so I prefer not to eat animals that have been killed. Again, I do not mean to promote my own set of values because I am sure you have your own. But having something to remind you of your own values at every meal is helpful. What is a simple dietary rule you might follow that would remind you what is important to you at every meal time?
Dedicate at least a small amount of time each day to your values: In my case, I meditate most days. Even if I can’t spend a lot of time on the cushion, I at least put my butt on it for a minute or two. Because I wake up anxious, this puts me in mind that I don’t want to run my life according to my anxieties but according to a bigger purpose. What is an easy, few-minute thing you could do every day to help reset you to your values and what is most important?
Does doing these things change the world? Maybe not, though I do think touching base with my values does change me and my corner of the world. And it also helps remind me that I want to put other efforts to work alongside my community to help the world.
Also, when I feel unbalanced, when everything is a rush, these routines make me feel–as they do for Tevye–that I am less of a precariously positioned fiddler on the roof. Because they make me feel, at least, like I have myself.
What about you? Is there anything you can do to remind yourself of your devotion to what is really important to you, to your values? Because, in the end, knowing we are at least trying to live in line with our values just may create the most lasting life balance we can have.
By the way, it would be so great if you would leave a comment on this post by scrolling below. It is amazing for me and other readers to hear your thoughts.