I’ve been thinking about how we all so often fail at New Year’s resolutions and how they make us feel bad. I’ve also been thinking about a way that may be much better for us and even help the world.
The problem is that, oftentimes, our resolutions are motivated by fear, shame, loneliness or insecurity and so we come up with actions we think will push the uncomfortable feelings away. Eat less! Exercise more! Work harder! Lots of times, we don’t even want to do the things we tell ourselves to do at New Years (Who wants to eat less and work harder?).
No wonder resolutions fail. They are so often completely inauthentic. Meanwhile, while we pour energy into things we don’t even want to do, we ignore our true aspirations for making our lives more meaningful and helping others more.
So what should we do instead?
I watched a great Facebook Live video by my fellow coach Kendra Cunov about how New Year’s resolutions do violence against ourselves. She says F$ck New Year’s Resolutions. She also agrees that most resolutions are an attempt NOT to feel some uncomfortable feeling–to change the outsides in order to change our insides.
Kendra suggests–and I agree–that we learn to live with and embrace ourselves and what is inside us so that we can move ahead with true aspirations that help ourselves and others instead of just getting away from discomfort. Once we are present with our uncomfortable feelings, we are free not to have to escape from them. Are they even that bad? Or are they just part of being human?
It may sound scary to sit with and be with uncomfortable feelings, but the good news is that if you develop that muscle, then you can be free to pursue what really makes for a meaningful and purposeful life. Instead of chasing around trying to escape from discomfort, you can follow your calling and true aspirations. (My Change-Maker’s Guide To Using Vision Cards To Create The Life And World You Want might help you with that).
I hope they help you to be free. And f$ck resolutions based on shame, fear and insecurity. We can live better than merely trying to escape discomfort (and we can help the world at the same time).
PS What if you had a group of friends who refused to let you fail at achieving your vision? That’s what I offer in my How To Be Alive Mastermind Groups–a group of people who help each other define and work towards their visions for themselves and the world. I’ll be starting new groups soon! Find out more here.